GP sucked. hurhur. i'm sooooo gonna flunk it. oh wat the hell....
econs gone case liao.

realli sad yeah...
why do i always end up avoiding the ppl i like
feel like a fucking loser...
can't even mutter a 'hi'...


You are the fox.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla


Your soft drink is Sprite! Your artsy and creative.
Your an indivudial and like people. You like to
dress different than everyone else but that
doesn't bother most people. You are also daring
most of the time. People would say your pretty
outgoing.


What soft drink are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



WAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA
walalalallalagoogogogogoogog

i finished MATHS?
wtf man wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfWTF

i actually FINISHED... MATHS....
oh man... this is powderful sehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

econs? econs can go fly kite liao la.
i've sick of trying it can fuck off for now! woohooo
I FINISHED MATHS MAN
but i still can't smell the pass.
hurhur.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
i shall finish my lit essays.....
tomorrow. hurhur.

PS: thanx for the encouragement when i was studying yeah. really needed it to push myself. :)


todo list:
call up Sony to fix my muthafucking MD player... dead for 4 months liao... ccbcbcb

i know what my fortune is... IT'S PARTYING~!

MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
finish my geog so suck it u stupid stack of notes
whaahalalalalgosfkjfduedhfiwufysduifhuydsfsdhgfsdjfdasybcsd
csdbftdsfcsdtfcsdcnyMUAHAHAHAHDucdhfusdufshiufshdyculidschusicds


sian. time for econs.

HAHAHAH....

SCHEDULE FOR COMMON TESTS
SATURDAY: ECONS
SUNDAY: MATHS
MONDAY: yeah whatever... if i can survive
woohooo

SPIRIT is your chinese symbol!


What Chinese Symbol Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hai.
i'm always the second fiddle
when will it ever be my turn to be the first?


i hate this feeling.
to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel
but only to see it dim and disappear when i reach the end.


to really like a girl and enjoy her company and friendship.
to finally find someone so similar
so much like u
someone who really understands
yet u can't have her.
the girl u've always hope for.
the girl u've always looked for.
but it's the girl u might never get.
for the second time.


it really hurts.
and it hurts more when it resurfaces.
cracks that rapture once again.
cracks that can never be patched up.


i can't bring myself to express my feelings too.
fear of pain. a pain all too familiar.
fear of rejection. a taste all too bitter.
fear of loss -
the loss of a friendship i really treasure.
the loss of someone i really hold dear.
i don't want to lose anything more.
i've lost enough.
i have nothing left.


depression. a feeling i know too well.
solitude. a place i visit all too often.
i wanna be her friend.
yet i want to be more.


PS: a few days back i asked for a sign.
u gave me this.
is this a test?


-kevin

i'm writing this because it really reflects me right now. never written such stuff before. so sorry yeah.


xxxx


why am i going back to the place that hurts me the most.
the same place that i've been before.
the same place that left me wounded.
the place where i was left to my own devices.
the place where i had to walk out myself.


why do i venture there once more?
haven't i learnt my lesson?
or is it
the only place that i can truly seek solace.
the only place i can really be myself.
the only place i can be alive.
but being alive comes at a price. it comes with a scar.
but i guess i'll go back willingly.


once bitten, twice shy?
or have i grown addicted to this pain and misery?
this placebo of infatuation?
i know it'll never happen
i know it'll never be true
but i'm contented with this form of silent love
because in silence i can truly find no rejection.
i'm sorry.
i've grown sick of rejection.
i've grown sick of misery.
the loss is too much for me to bear.
my life is too tragic for me to continue living.
i'll stop living for the present and the future now
because i only live for the past.
this past that revolved around you.
and i'm happy that it did because they were my happiest days.


PS: why hast thou forsaken me?
is this YOUR test?
i dare not question
i dare not rebel
i believed in you to bring me back to my feet.
but i'm being led back into the darkness.
back to the pain that i know only too well.
the tragedy of my life.


-kevin.

feeling sad.... very sad indeed. the afternoon rain just brings out the sadness in me i guess...
hai. the past always haunts me...

yes yes... better start studying now... been playing too much...
tomorrow gonna make my way down to the esplanade library to study... anyone interested?

---

You are Loss.

Your life defines tragedy. You have experienced
great hardships on an unimaginable scale and it
has jaded your view of life.


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your very intense about love. Love makes your world
spin, But you are very possessive and sexual
also. You like physical love just as much as
emotional love. Nothing wrong with that. But
remember the heart comes first when it comes to
love. And true love is hard to find.


What does love mean to you?
brought to you by Quizilla


hurhur... flashback time

woke up at 7:30 to go to sch for econs lecture... was feeling disgustingly lethargic... so i sauntered to the bus stop and reached sch at 9:20.. hurhur.... went in to LT4 (after seeing alvyn and his dood hair) with my teacher damn pissed with us cuz we missed the previous lecture in the first week. but somehow he recovered from his rage and managed to teacher abit in the remaining time with his interesting analogy of LDMR:

imagine that u are jogging
initial stage = from stop u're beginning to jog. u're moving from stop, so u're accelerating and ur speed is increasing at an increasing rate.
mid stage = after some time u're desperately trying to maintain a constant pace and u feel like u're going to die... but u soon notice u're going at a decreasing pace, so ur speed is increasing at a decreasing speed.

somewhere along this line u'll collapse and die, that's when it hits a 0 gradient.
then ppl haf to carry u back on a stretcher. that's when it begins to decrease.


weird stuff huh LOL. at least i paid attention. then like later at 11 plus when we were released i went to the harbourfront mcdonalds with jade, janice, yian chyi and carol. woo yes... those 4 are in their PW group discussing stuff and i'm the odd one out... so i decided to "join their PW group" and give some info yeah... (helpful me). hahah.... when they finished at 1 plus they decided to go home... so like i dragged janice to town (HAHA) cuz i was totally bored and i was meeting my friend later to watch ju-on (flashback further to the 22/6 entry). felt bad... but at least she managed to study at the BK @ far east yes.... then teng siang and his friend (so sorry i forgot ur name... but i remember ur class and face heh) came down as well... then like we studied till 3 plus until we couldn't take it anymore... played 2 games of dai dee before they gave up and decided to teach me bridge so i could learn how to play. sian man... totally thrashed in that game haha.... but it's weird... we managed to play ALL THE WAY TO 6. that's insane... and 4 of us occupied 3 tables at the BK... enough to fill 10 ppl... haha.
then janice decided to leave at 6 to go watch her holland v show, so teng siang and everyone else left (grr)... leaving me alone at orchard... hurhur. then i went to meet my friend at lido at 6:40...

question: how long has ju on been out? how come it's still so damn blooody full!
when we saw the seating for the 7:30 show it was like... only the front row seats were available.... so like we went to PS instead to try our luck for the 7:35 show... so we walked all the way over... turns out it was the same thing... so we had to make do with the 9:20 show with last row seats.
since we got our tickets at 7:30.... we to like rot our time away till it was time for the movie... so we had dinner at the food court below LOL. surprisingly she wasn't hungry so we ate dessert and talked about sch life (what else)... till abt 9... then we realli had nothing to do so we walked around every floor of PS (hurhur) till 9:15 and made our way into the cinema.

i really thought this show would like scare me (teng siang said he was abit scared).... fine... the show's "scary" parts made my hair stand... (esp that stupid kid's high pitched cat call)... but it wasn't realli scary enough... or rather... they kind overdid the horror part and screwed themselves by making it funny (one hell of an anti climax)... and it sort of got boring after u saw 40 minutes of ppl dying... highly repetitive... and the people looked the same... so the names didn't really make a diff... hurhur. so not surprising that both of us didn't get a kick out of this movie haha.

movie finished at 11 yeah... when we came out the shopping centre was empty... totally empty. since it was kinda late and the last time i made her go home at 1:30am it made me feel bad so we decided to go back... took the train... she seemed tired... so i didn't realli talk much on the way back. was kinda stoning in the train (haha). offered to send her home but since her mum was gonna pick her up from the MRT station i took the one of the last few buses from bukit batok (just managed to) and made my way home arnd 12:30. yes. that's my day. was supposed to meet victor and play pool... but my mum was like making alot of noise abt me going back at 3am the other time so i couldn't do much too yeah... sorry victor.

interesting fact: my phone has this ability of intercepting messages of ppl talking behind my back (talk abt cool)... i've already gotten like 2 such messages in the past 2 days from my friends hahah. so WATCH OUT who u talk about and who u actually send ur SMSes to. *grin*

damn.... got shitloads of work piled up on me
1x geog tutorial
2x lit essays

plus i need to annotate all my pages for GP file if not i'm not allowed to sit for the damn paper.... dang. and i got to finish the geog tutorial BY TOMORROW.
no idea how i'm gonna accomplish this. plus the econs lesson at 9am tomorrow. so dead.


should wear this when i'm rushing to finish everything... EMPOWER ME BABY hurhur.


Who You Are

You're a man who celebrates life
You're a man with a very balanced personality and lifestyle. You believe in making room in life to relax, think, and have fun. You refuse to settle long-term for a boring job or doing something just because it's expected of you. Love is the same way. You know what real love feels like and you'll accept no imitations! You're honest, straightforward, and have lots of common sense. Because you don't "wear your heart on your sleeve" doesn't mean you lack deep feelings. In fact, you're deeply committed to your loved ones and the causes you believe in. Men as truly balanced as you are very rare.


What's dating all about to you?
Finding a loving relationship is an ongoing journey for you. You try to learn from each date and new experience and move on. Falling in love comes naturally to you. It doesn't have to make sense. You're ready to "go with the flow" and see where it leads.

Because you thrive on new adventures and excitement, long-term relationships can be boring. And when you're bored, you typically try to shake things up. Deciding when and with whom you're ready to "settle down" is a special challenge for you.


Here's how you compare with other men your age







How unique is your type?
Your personality profile is similar to a number of men your age. Looking at over 10,000 men who have taken the test, about 28.6% (or about 1 in 4 men) have very similar beliefs, values, and habits. Of course, the way these qualities are expressed in you is what makes you so unique.

How many other men have personalities like you?



Quirks women notice
Like all men, you have your strengths as well as your quirks and shortcomings. Ultimately, you want to find someone who will love and accept you "warts and all." Though you have lots of friends, it's important to have at least one person who understands.

-You can worry too much about your relationship and need reassurance that things are okay.
-While others debate about where to go and what to do, you can honestly say "I don't care." Even though you're an easy-going man and open to anything, some people get frustrated because you don't express your opinion or they see your cooperation as indifference and lack of involvement.

Do women like your type?
Notice that 92% of women are generally attracted to your personality type. 57% say they are VERY attracted. With the millions of people on Match.com, that translates into lots of potential matches.

How many women are attracted to your type?

---

Who You're Looking For

She'll come to your rescue
You're looking for a woman who can be a pillar of strength and stability in your life. You'll be impressed by how responsible, strong-willed and hardworking she is. If you're ever in a crisis, she's definitely the woman you'd want to come to your rescue. She's very intuitive and has a lot of "common sense." She has a shy and reserved exterior, but one-on-one she'll easily open up to you. You'll find she talks openly about herself and what's important to her. She'll dress and act conservatively, but behind her serious exterior is a very loyal and faithful potential partner.

Overall, it's important for you to be with someone who is almost always cheerful and has an optimistic outlook on life. The ideal person you're seeking shares a number of positive qualities with you, including:


-You both share a cheerful and optimistic outlook on life.
-She's really easy to get along with and won't boss you around.
-She's sensible and pragmatic about her career, buying new things, and making big decisions.

Here's how you compare to your "ideal" partner










Number of women your type
Women with the exact type of personality you prefer are rare gems. Looking at over 10,000 women who have taken this test, only 6% (or 1 in 17 women) have the exact combination of similarities and contrasts in personality you find extremely appealing.

However, there's a larger group, 24% (or 1 in 4 women), who have most, but not all, of the qualities and habits you like. These subgroups are charted below.

About two-thirds (69%) of the women have at least some of the traits you find attractive.

But you'd have a negative reaction to 31% (or 1 in 3 women), who have some or many of the characteristics you clearly dislike.

How many women are your "ideal" type?



Opposites attract
You're fascinated by women who see the world and do things a little differently than you. Part of you wants to be more like her, or at least have her unique style in your life. She could be good for you in many ways:

-Her quiet and gentle nature can have a calming effect on you and release you from having to be "on" all the time.
-She can help balance you when you become too caught up in your thinking and planning and need to take care of yourself emotionally.

Quirks you can tolerate
The truth is that everyone is potentially "high maintenance." We all have our quirks and shortcomings. The key to long-term harmony is finding a woman who can tolerate (or maybe even enjoy) your "quirks," or the little personal oddities that make you unique. You seem okay with several common quirks that might come along with your "ideal" woman:

-You can honor her need to be quiet and have "alone time."
-You can appreciate that her big heart lets her be swayed too much by emotions and a desire to keep her friends and family happy.
-You can understand her career drive and crises at work, even though she sometimes drags these hassles home.

Downside of your "ideal"
In addition to her quirks, your "ideal" personality type may have other qualities that are more frustrating or challenging to deal with. Under stress, her quirks can become serious "flaws." But remember, these quirks are the "flip side of the coin," or the extreme end of qualities you otherwise find appealing. So, be prepared if:

-Her hesitancy to go to parties or out with large groups could stand in the way of staying connected with your friends and doing some of your favorite activities.
-She can be overly sensitive and dramatic at times.

Deal breakers
You seem ready to adapt to the good and frustrating qualities of the women you're looking for, but there are types of women you clearly do NOT like. Women's habits and attitudes you'd have a hard time putting up with include:

-Your responses suggest that you are pretty accepting and tolerant of shortcomings. No major personality "deal breakers" or reasons to rule out potential dates were identified.
Trade-offs you'll face

Good Qualities	Challenging Qualities
Cares deeply for a few very close friends.	Has little desire to branch out and meet new people.
Uses "common sense" to make practical decisions.	Can lack imagination and stick to traditional solutions even if you suggest newer and better options to explore.
Sensitivity to emotions promotes greater insight and compassion for you and others.	Emotions can cloud judgment and thinking.
Takes time to look at a problem and keep options open, rather than rush in.	Often postpones making decisions until the situation decides for you.

Sex

Skilled lover
Good sex is important to you, but it's only one of many passions you and your partner can share. Since you prefer to initiate sex when it can be spontaneous and playful sex doesn't need to be part of a weekly "routine." You're probably a skilled lover, and know how to make even the "basics" sensual and fun.

Among men your age, your particular combination of sexual drive and interests is similar to about 1 in 10 men (9%).

Is she sexually compatible?
You're looking for someone just like you, who values the quality of sex over the quantity. You want someone who would never pressure you about sex.

What's ahead for you sexually?
Once you've found a woman who matches you sexually, the stage will be set for a happy and stable relationship. In fact, things may be so easy and natural for you in bed that you'll be taken by surprise when suddenly it's not so natural. Expect to panic at some point in your relationship. Either a sexual disagreement or problem will come up. Or, you might get bored and create a problem to shake things up. Focus this restless energy along with your sensual and playful nature on your partner. The two of you could have the long-term, exciting sex life most couples dream of having.

How you and your "ideal" partner compare

---

Attraction Science

What is personality?
Personality is the set of traits and characteristics that make each of us unique yet relatively stable and consistent over time.

- People see and interpret the world differently.
- They want different things.
- They make decisions differently.
- They get excited and energized by different situations.
- They structure their careers, social life, and private time in different ways.

What does personality have to do with attraction?
The way in which people are similar or different in personality strongly affects their attraction to one another. Two people with similar values are more likely to become (and stay) friends or a couple, indeed part of compatibility is having "common ground." However, for many people, compatibility may also involve a balance between each other's quirks and differences.

Where did the test come from?
The test you just took is the most scientifically grounded and customized personality assessment on the Internet. It's a "smart" test because it can tailor specific questions to you based on your earlier choices so no one gets exactly the same questions. The content of the tests and the game-like way the choices were presented are the result of over 15 years of research by the scientists at weAttract.com, Inc.

For more details go to: weAttract.com


was supposed to meet zameer, hong yew and melvin at dhoby ghaut today... but i woke up late. then i met jo and rachel on the way there... so i like hung around with them abit at flash and splash before going to meet hong yew and melvin at 3. zameer decided not to come.

we like hung around PS where hong yew wanted to cancel his guitar lesson... and he paid $60 to cancel it with MARK TOHHHHHH (haha... why u pay to cancel a lesson u already paid for? dumb)
heck yeah... then we headed to harbourfront by taking NEL (first time!) to play pool cuz like SSC would be fugging crowded. won melvin most of the games (something like 5-2 yeah)... but lost to him the final 2 games... on fire man that guy hahaha... wiped me out.

then he had to leave at 5... so like hong yew and i went to marina to meet rebecca. hong that retard said we should take to clarke quay and WALK there. i gullibly agreed.... ended up walking like mad... but on the way i made a stop to funan to buy a screen protector for my TG-50 (palm thingy).

then we like went to marina... but walked like 2 rounds after meeting rebecca to like WALK OUT and actually head to orchard cuz hong bird wanted to buy assessment books for MATHS (he only knows that Orchard MRT's popular actually sells assessment books. hur.)... muahaha.

on the way to orchard got a surprise SMS from a good friend to watch ju on yeah... since i haven't watch it yet... i agreed :) so i like dumped hong yew and rebecca after he bought the assessment and we had a meal at yoshinoya to meet my friend at 9 yeah. haha... turned out that ju on was sold out at lido and cine... we like gave up and decided to watch another day. but since she came down all the way from her home to watch a movie i can't realli let her go back yeah... so i suggested going to the bridge near the esplanade to enjoy the view... which she agreed to. so like we made our way there to go there and stone while talking about our old classmates... haha... man my old classmates eugene and kar fai have changed a lot... A LOT. (both more yandao than me la... damn)... haha we like talked from 10:45 at the merlion all the way to 11:30 before walking back to esplanade yeah... hoping to catch the last bus for 171 to get back to orchard... but like changed our mind and then WENT BACK to the merlion area to talk abit more before walking back to take 174M. walked her back to her house cuz it was like 1:30am.... not realli good to let a girl go home by herself at this time yeah :) but turned out my brother was out but refused to pick up my phone... so i walked all the way from her home at Jurong West all the way back to my house at Hillview (haha... 1 hr 30 mins)

reached home at 3am... pressed the doorbell cuz i forgot to bring the keys (damn)... hoped that my maid would open the door... but turns out MY DAD opened it for me... felt damn apologetic waking him up at 3am yeah... next time i'm gonna bring my keys out haha. oh well... slow start to the day.... but great end to it :) had a very meaningful and pleasant talk.

PS: hong... u haf no idea how much that $10 u lent me meant yeah... really important loan... thanx a million... will pay u back ASAP.

saw carol's blog.... veri nicely done what.... excellent stuff and content :)
keep it up la. (why u hide the address from me for so long hahaha)

boredom resumed...

Is the glass half full or half empty?


What's your usual [mood]?


Which [Smallville] Characters are you?

stupid cartoon haha


errrrkay.... freaking accurate shit... man this is like so accurate it shocked the shit outta me.... man that emode stuff is SHIT... this is THE SHIT.

from colorgenics.com

At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbors and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.

-end of mood analysis-


"just taste better... 'nuff said" - imran

---

realli great song... been playing it quite often these days.... still enjoying the lyrics quite alot.
dl it. u might like it :)


Dishwalla
Angels Or Devils

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold


damn i wanna watch this movie.


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

endless ranting
btw... got this from Emode.com

What's Your Best Quality?

Kevin, your best quality shines through in how Compassionate you are

The fact that you're a caring and considerate person who is typically very loving, as well really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're a hopeful and optimistic person who tends to look on the bright side of life. You are a funny person who is likely known for your great sense of humor, too.

In all, there are 15 qualities that help define you when you're at your best. Those are the traits potential employers, friends, and partners look for in you. What makes you unique is your particular distribution of those 15 qualities.

We've found that your particular combination of qualities is rare — only 2 in 10,000 people share the same general mix of traits. Those are great odds if you're trying to show a potential employer, colleague, friend, or date why you're exactly the right person for them.



What's Behind Your Emotions?

Kevin, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Dignity

In other words, your commitment to leading a dignified life, and your belief in being respectful, directly affect how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.

For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you treat people with the decency all humans deserve. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in dignity and the range of emotions it triggers.



The Ultimate Personality Test

Kevin, you're an Observer!

That means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more quiet time on your own than most.

Because of the self-knowledge you already possess, you are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life.



Kevin, your sexual personality is Sigma-ETDN-10.

Your sexual personality is determined by your sexual persona (Sigma), 4 sexual scales (Emotional/Physical, Look/Touch, Daring/Modest, Verbal/Non-verbal), and your libido score (10).

As a Sigma, you are supremely confident when it comes to sex. Your sexual confidence is particularly high, though your sex appeal and sexual awareness are a bit lower.

If I were a month I would be: february
If I were a day of the week I would be: friday
If I were a time of day I would be: 6am
If I were a planet I would be: neptune
If I were a sea animal I would be: pufferfish
If I were a direction I would be: north
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: sofa
If I were a historical figure I would be: mark antony
If I were a liquid I would be: alcohol
If I were a stone, I would be: granite... i think
If I were a tree, I would be: pine
If I were a bird, I would be: hawk
If I were a tool, I would be: drill
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: cactus
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: drizzle
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: griffin
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: flute
If I were an animal, I would be: cheetah
If I were a color, I would be: black
If I were an emotion, I would be: sad
If I were a vegetable, I would be: chye sim
If I were a sound, I would be: burp
If I were an element, I would be: oxygen
If I were a car, I would be: bmw 3 series :)
If I were a song, I would be: bon jovi - always
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: any director would do
If I were a book, I would be written by: salman rushdie
If I were a food, I would be: lasagne
If I were a place, I would be: home
If I were a material, I would be: aluminium
If I were a taste, I would be: bittersweet
If I were a scent, I would be: cinnamon
If I were a religion, I would be: don't wanna touch on this
If I were a word, I would be: latent
If I were an object, I would be: crown
If I were a body part I would be: eyes
If I were a facial expression I would be: =P
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature
If I were a cartoon character I would be: batman :)
If I were a shape I would be: triangular
If I were a number I would be: 6 :D

pulled this from vic's blog... which was ripped from someone else's blog...

ppl who know often hear me brag abt how i always think i'm bilingual... now i'm beginning to doubt i haf the stuff to back up those claims yeah....
prelims i had the following

eng: A2
lit: A1
chi: A2

but for Os i got the following

eng: C5
lit: B3
chi: A2

realli slapped me in the face yeah.... always thought i could do better than that... well i kinda dozed off for awhile during the eng essay papers... but that's no excuse. after reading xinhe's blog entry about how he got A2 for both really made me think... do i have what it takes to be bilingual... heck... do i even have the ability to be good in literature... the subject i have the most pride in. gotta do alot of reflection on this. there's no proof that i'm really good in literature i guess... with those shitty grades from Os


been 4 days since i last posted...

guess i'm feeling better. but i'm still lost. inside at least.
i haven't touched my econs textbooks.
my lit books are gathering dust.
my maths booklets are yellowing
and my geography book is still at the pages of weathering... where i left them weeks ago.

better start studying... else i'll be dead.

i really feel like fucking ripping myself in half... feel like a fucking weakling... i can't even run properly.... can't even walk properly without limping a slight bit. fuck this man... i hate this fucking feeling. not as if any of u ppl out there give a damn anyway.....

i give up. i surrender. and fuck u all.

penning this entry late at night on friday the 13th. can't sleep.
my handphone battery is dead. (so is my heart i guess) i hate myself. i hate myself for spraining my ankle. i hate myself cuz i can't go for hockey training tomorrow. i so feel like breaking the whole fucking leg with the stick. i'm upset with myself. hai.... i'm miserable... both inside and outside... fucking hollow.

---

listening to: Michelle Branch - Are You Happy Now
lyrics:

Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I, I’ve given up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?

Do you have everything you want?
You can get up and give everything you`ve got
You can’t run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you`re happy now, oohh oohhh
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had that all I can take
And I’m about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?






WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your Heart is Blue


What Color is Your Heart?
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You are Melancholy. Melancholics are often gifted,
even prone to genius. You are deep and
thoughtful, but this can lead to your being too
introspective, to the point of moodiness and
depression when you find flaws within your
self. You strive for perfection in all things,
most especially your self and your immediate
world. You are sensitive to the needs of
others, and loyal to your friends, but can be
hard to please. Melancholics do well in the
Arts, science, and math.


Which of the Humours are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

woohooo yesterday was a blast even though we only had a few ppl. wasn't really excited to go collect my Os cert (i still haven't recovered from the C5 english shock) but was happy i was gonna meet old friends. met all my ex-classmates in SJI. max! chao buaya, still as yandao as ever, bet CJ must haf alot of girls swooning over him. then victor, cheeeeeeeeeebye, another yandao dick. so slim now.... he looks like a stick yeah, scrum half somemore, sure got girlfren already la. PUI ah, siao kia. ben still got the cuteboy look, must be attracting those innocent girls. didn't know jing liang was in NYJC, i thought he would be in like AJC or something. bloody hell, his Os cert damn nice. 4,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,2. siao kia haha.

was supposed to go far east with max, victor, ben, hong yew and jing liang, but max hum halfway saying he got training, see la, where is the class spirit! haha. oh well... then we went to far east LJS where EXO joined us.... damn man... he bleached his hair... now he looks like a MAT haha. then i traded my messenger for his ASN ME (pictured in the top left of the page... but in black and yellow instead). then we roamed around town before heading to SSC to play pool. while playing we were joined by 2 joshuas (tan & pang). nice buggers, FINALLY BEAT BOTH VICTOR AND JOSHUA IN POOL ON THE SAME DAY IN TANDEM. mua haha. I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD. must be on a roll LOL.

then we went to far east for dinner to eat GRILLED CHICKEN. woo yeah... tastes excellent. then i was teaching joshua how to play bejeweled! on my palm across the table. ended up dirtying my shirt. after dinner we walked over to taka, where joshua went to meet sam while the rest of us went shopping. WOO YEAH, GUYS SHOPPING TOGETHER. shocker LOL. damn exo has excellent fashion taste man... and mine shitty LOL. got alot of stuff to learn abt clothes. shopped around for another while (an hour?) before we started walking to far east... where exo then left us to meet his friend. then the 4 of us walked to far east we started to walk around for 10 minutes or so. then ben said he wanted to go city link to buy something to comfort his girlfren whose pet had died, so hong followed him and i took 190 back home along with victor la. not a bad day... had alot of fun...

---

fucking sprained my ankle today during HOCKEY (woohoo)
damn fun sia.... passing the ball arnd... even though i got absolutely no skill.... bloody fun shit.
but i had to step on a ball and sprain my ankle AGAIN. yes. the same ankle. the same spot. the same leg.
u haf absofuckinglutely no idea how painful it is ok. and it's like DEJA VU. cheebye. then had to sit out JUST BEFORE THE MATCH STARTED. bloody hell. was like waiting to play a proper match and i hurt myself just before. anti-climatic.

after that went to harbourfront with adrean and his friend (don't know how to type ur name... must be jingfeng or something heh) to mcdonalds to eat... then adrean's fren mark came along to join us. after we like slacked enough we walked to the arcade pool tables with ADREAN ABANDONING US. tables are in quite good condition, so are the cues. for $8/hr is not exactly worth it but there'll always be tables yeah. surprisingly i won also mark and his friend (by a whisker) woohoo! been a long time since i won pool like that. interesting shit eh.

then the horror begins.... i took 143 to change at jurong (near river valley) to 176... but i got off at the wrong stop without the bus... so i started walking when it started POURING CATS AND DOGS ON ME. fuck man... i couldn't run for shelter... so i ended up walking to the bus stop fucking drenched. when i got up the bus, the bus was quite empty so i like sat down in the bus dripping wet (haha). the aircon was like so cold my fingers were like suffering from frostbite k. good thing the bus broke down right at jurong east interchange haha. so i had to wait at the interchange with my ankle screwed. veri painful. then when i got up the bus some bitch stepped on my LEFT foot, then i was like limping in the bus... EVERYONE WAS FUCKING STARING AT ME LIKE I'M SOME CIRCUS FREAK WITH A BROKEN HOCKEY STICK IN HAND. and none of them offered to give me a seat. when i saw an empty seat, i limped towards it, only to haf it stolen by some donkey in a shirt and tie. big deal, u work in an office and i'm drenched. then he didn't even have the balls to look me in the eye when i was like right infront of him staring at him the whole time. then that fucker got off 4 stops after when i had 9 more? cheeeeeeeeeeesebun. singaporeans are bastards man.... downright selfish bastards.... no wonder newspapers always blast them for being selfish and egomaniacal.

"Though the past haunts me as a spirit, I do not ask to forget."
- Felicia Dorothea Hemans (1793 - 1835) English poet

man... was reading victor's blog
TOW HAN HAS A GIRLFRIEND! congrats tow han. (what's with buying a zippo lighter... girlfren smokes? or is she smoking? hehe)
damn. i'm still alone. must try harder... =)

woo yeah... gonna meet the 411 ppl tomorrow.... hopefully more than 6 will turn up (excluding joshua... given up hope on that fucker haha)
girlfren more important than friends sia...
everytime i ask him to go out slack or go arrange to play pool with victor and i, all he'll say is that he's going out with his RJC girlfren
what is the meaning of this... chao buaya man joshua... nvm la... if i was him... i'd do the same... haha

my god do ppl change fast... no wonder they say the only thing constant in life is change. (ironic indeed eh)
411 has changed alot.... now EVERYONE is attached... except me. i feel.... like an outcast. weird.
ppl like victor (at least no explicitly eh? =), joshua, tow han and other ppl all getting attached... don't know how we can still go around looking at girls yeah... i think all of them will be preoccupied with their girlfrens... while i still scout around...

oh yeah... need to look for a hardcover for my PDA... if not i'll scratch my dear clie LOL. something metal... something like this:

looks cool eh?

sidenote: man i'm losing track of who reads my blog... i think i should start a guestbook or something

nice poem below... read read. should be able to post my thoughts for the day tonight :)


Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

With a soul that ever felt the sting of sorrow, sorrow is a sacred thing.
-William Cowper (1731 - 1800) English poet

em·pa·thy
n.
1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.
2. The attribution of one's own feelings to an object.

---

was reading hong's blog yesterday... somewhat a sad way to end his day...
guess it's him... always entrenching himself in his game. it's what makes him him yet it's also what makes him annoying at times yeah. he totally ignores u when u're talking to him. hong, kick the habit yeah. i've already done it. u should too.


hopefully there'll be some form of a gathering for the 411 ppl on tuesday after we collect our Os results... haven't seen alot of them (esp. hock, joshua and max) in awhile... hope they are doing fine...


want to end it off with this question:

what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

---

listening to: Matchbox 20 - Hand Me Down
lyrics:

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you
You wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind

From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

I'm here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Some day they'll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you


From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Lay them down on me
Oh yeah
You're just one more hand me down
And all those nots don't give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down...on me

---

So which LOTR Villain are you? Hmm??
made by Michelle at EmptySpace.

woo yeah... went shopping with myself.... so exciting seh...
and i spent ALL (read: ALL) my cash.... on 4 shirts and a pair of long pants

1 white polo from bossini
1 black polo from baleno
1 black button shirt from bossini
1 pair of black trousers from bossini

cost: everything i had in my wallet hahah.... don't ask how much man... don't even think i can enuff money to eat scraps for next week

gotta stop all this compulsive behaviour... it's getting out of hand

weird day.... i was like messaging rebecca half-awake to talk abt something haha.... can't remember exactly what now that i look at it LOL!
then i read melvin's SMS abt slacking with zameer and him for a game of pool... i'm veri interested but i'm totally tired yeah....

i'm feeling veri weird now... it's like i'm missing something in my life... can't say what exactly

not a bad day yesterday.got a half day for sch... went to sch veri depressed... but my lit essay results kinda improved the mood abit... i got 17/25.... not up to my old SJI standards of 19 and above... but it's an improvement over my previous grade. i left out alot of details... so i think i'm gonna rewrite the essay and give it to ms d for marking once more for reassurance. then after that mr lee treated us during civics breaks to snacks... he told us to leave some snacks for him. but somehow the whole class finished ALL OF IT... i felt damn bad and offered to buy mr lee breakfast (haha... teacher being offered a meal by a student) but he refused. i felt damn bad yeah... i remember saying that we must leave some for mr lee as well.... screwed up.

left at 1130 with adrean, si ting, charlene and rebecca for PS. we were like gonna buy tickets when we had a dilemma. lixin (who was joining us) wanted to watch bruce almighty but charlene had already watched it. so like adrean and i had a compromise by offering to go watch with her but she refused. it really made the two of us feel bad yeah. even though we haven't watched bruce almighty, we didn't mind watching finding nemo and it wasn't really that much of a sacrifice. then she wanted to have lunch at mos burger but sadly adrean and i didn't really feel like eating mos burger so we were like saying no.... then i think she got upset and left. man i feel like a bastard yeah. then we met up with lixin at KFC for lunch before going to watch the movie. movie was quite ok i guess, lots of good jokes, plot was kinda unusual, but i like it. so there u haf it, it don't suck as much as some other movies. then after the movie we like wandered arnd in PS before taking a bus to taka to walk somemore. rebecca had to leave for nuh bcuz her sister needed to go there for something. so like the remainder we like totally got bored and wandered abit more decided to sit down at the stairs near the fountain. then lixin and her friend decided to leave. woo yeah... and within 30 minutes after that adrean and siting left, leaving me behind... so i decided to meet hong yew and his class to stick around...

saw quite afew old friends from SJI that day. i saw victor, who has like totally changed into a yandao BUAYAAAAA (haha) from ur bespectacled, chubby bunny. heh. damn my whole class has changed yeah.... then hong said he saw yongteng and esmond. man orchard is littered with ex-SJI ppl from my batch haha.
then i saw alex tsui at LJS when i was with seetoh and hong yew having dinner. he still looks yandao man (i'm jealous haha.)

Which X2 Character Are You?

i skipped sch today. for what reasons, i don't know. i guess it's laziness. i won't be surprised if mr lee is angry with me. i don't blame him... i have no valid excuse for my absence. i've been spending the day reflecting on my actions and thoughts.

i got 12/25 for my econs essay test. i'm a fucking loser. i had the fucking questions and answers handed to me... and i still flunked it. what the hell is wrong with me. i always seem so confident in econs... i always think that i can handle it. i guess they say that empty vessels make the most noise. i'm just some fucking loudhorn who knows how to blow his trumpet but can't back his ass for every word he says. i've let mr lee down. worst of all, i've let mrs tan down. i always thought i would like econs because it's fun, or at least mr lee and mrs tan make it fun for me. i always enjoy the jokes that mr lee would crack and i would enjoy learning because mrs tan makes it easy for me to understand. i've been telling myself that the essay test would be a chance to prove myself, a chance to show that i'm not stupid. i wanted to prove to mr lee and mrs tan so bad that i had what it took to handle econs. but i guess i was wrong. i couldn't even fucking pass the test, let alone score.

and i got 6/25 for my lit analysis on the auden poem. kind of a big slap in the face yeah. mr smith is right in calling that ridiculous. i know it's crap. he knows it too. i won't deny the fact that i didn't even put effort in it, those 6 marks were just sympathy marks. i deserved a fucking 0 for it. i feel bad for showing ms d my black face as well, she don't deserve that treatment for how nice she's been to me. heck, she don't even deserve any disrespect of any kind from anyone. she's one of the few teachers i really respect in SA. ms d has always been so encouraging and nice to me, and all i can do now is show her my fuckface in this annoying manner. i don't know why i'm doing this to them... i'm just refusing to learn all that they want to teach me. i feel like a fucking ingrate, a fucking loser. i just feel like i want to die. the 14/25 for my lockwood essay also reaffirms my fears that i'm losing my touch. i've lost that edge in my writing, comparing what i write now and what i used to wrote, i feel as though my words have lost their life. my thoughts... don't link... my words... don't express. i think i've lost it all.

maths... a subject i quite like but can never score in. i don't hate myself for being unable to score in it... i always tell myself to stand up and do it again... because that's the only way i know. i'm not a maths genius like my brother... but i just like the idea of doing maths, but getting an O pass for my lecture test and piss poor results in my progress tests just show that i don't have the aptitude for it. i don't want to drop maths... i enjoy maths, well i enjoy maths because at the end of it all i can tell myself that i can do maths after all

looking back, all those proclamations of my love for lit just seem like empty promises of the past now. i'm a mere shadow of what i used to be. i've lost that passion for the only subject i really enjoyed. i really feel as if i've lost everything.

but i don't want to lose faith.
i don't want to lose hope.
i don't want to make any more empty promises.
i like the way lit seems to make me understand that much more about life, that much more about myself.

i miss those days when my teacher ms ong used to motivate me to love the subject, to embrace the language and the emotions. those were the days i guess, but what use is lamentation now. i'm just another loser who can't even pass his literature. heck i can't even pass an econs essay with the questions and answers given to me. i'm a fucking loser. i don't know what's wrong with me nowadays... i just think that i'm hardworking when i'm just skiiving around.

i'm at the lowest point in my life, where everything don't seem right, where everything seems to be a blur. i think i'm sinking back into depression again... i thought i could take today off to reflect on the crap i've been doing to try to focus again. i don't know what's holding me back, maybe my inferiority complex, my insecurities or my infatuation.

i guess galistan is right, i would probably end up dropping 1 subject at the end of the year, i guess that fucker was right. i so wanted to keep 4 As because i felt i deserved it. i can't prove him wrong now can i. i can't even refute his claim of calling me a worm. i hated his guts when he said i won't keep 4 subs with 12 pts for Os. i always thought i could, but at this rate i don't think i can. i'm not sure if i would even be around at the end of the year.

galistan: i guess u're right, i'm just another stupid worm who don't have what it takes. but u're just another fucker. i want the final laugh, and i'm reserving it for u.


rachel: u're right yeah, i guess the next time u see me u should slap me because it deserve it. i don't know what i think i should do anymore. i have no idea how i could offer u advice in the past, but now i'm turning to u for support. i'm really veri lost now.

PS: rebecca.... sorry yeah. didn't know all that joking offended u that much. i won't do that anymore.

ANYONE GOT 4L PE SHORTS CAN LEND
* Guard-Com sets mode: +b *!*@cm199.omega142.maxonline.com.sg
* kev was kicked by Guard-Com (NO Advertising/Spam/Sex Solicitation/Perverse Acts/Vuglarities Allowed!)
<{LaMeR}> >_<""
<^_Fangs_^> hey i wear 6Lok
ROFLMAO
LOL
i think cannot type ani0ne
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
ROFL LOLOLOL


hahah wonderful.

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Monday, June 02, 2003

hahah my god what a slack day.... got a half day cuz of the no. of competitions the sch won.... supposed to end at 12:50 but cuz i didn't do my lit homework... mr smith forced me to stay behind till like 2 plus to finish it.... then after that i went out with rebecca, seetoh, xin he and hong yew to lot 1 (to my place to change first... then to lot 1) for karaoke.... damn i totally suck at singing yeah... but i was like going to see hong yew's and rebecca's concert. rebecca has one helluva nice voice.... she should like record her own album or something for us haha. we like sang from 6 plus till 9 yeah.... for a total of $92! woohoo. broke now... hurhur... don't know how i'm supposed to survive when we head to sentosa on friday when it's the end of the term.

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Sunday, June 01, 2003

damn... i have difficulty finishing my antony & cleo essay... my stupid brother took my PC by force... now i've lost the mood to do it... damn.... i'm not gonna let him touch my PC anymore yeah biatch.

hurhur.... alvyn's jealous i got myself a sony clie muahaha... must be trying to comfort himself that he'll get a pocket pc *grin* nvm la.... i'll lend u play when i want to yeah... join the dark side. buy a clie
(call me a fag somemore la... i'm telling my mum... she's so gonna kick ur ass :)))))







PS: alv... my clie tg50 rox ur socks =P

---

so bored i took these


You are Morpheus, from "The Matrix." You
have strong faith in yourself and those around
you. A true leader, you are relentless in your
persuit.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am infinity You may worship me, but from afar _

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