hurhur. PTM's coming.
i'm soooooooooooooooo gonna get a earful for that.
let's anticipate what my teachers have to say abt me.
John Smith (Paper 5 & 8 Lit teacher): he absolutely hates me. i'm sure he won't have ANYTHING good to say. esp since i skipped his lesson today and he's been fucking failing my assignments. regardless of how much effort i put in. i mean like WTF MAN, i fucking did ur work and u throw it in my face with a fail when my fren has the same pts and passed? fuckface.
Miss D (Paper 1 Lit Teacher): not bad. i think she likes me as a lit student. been doing quite well in her paper. so like yeah, won't get anything bad from her unless she suddenly goes mad and hits one at me i guess.
Mr Lee (Form Tutor)(Econs teacher): should be ok with him. i've been paying attention during his lesson. screwing up in his paper should mean i'll be getting the "could have done better" comments.
Mdm Habibah the Amoeba (Geog teacher): i don't even noe her well. but she don't like me. been like picking on me ever since she fucking came back from maternity leave this term. biatch. she didn't even teach me before. i want the old temp teacher back. way better.


other teachers are generally ok... should be pretty neutral. so like yeah. won't be screwed THAT BAD haha. but PTMs will never be as cool as my SJI sec 3 & 4 ones with my form tutor being so damn positive in comments that my dad was wondering if i bribed him for the statements about me LOL.

As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the ability to identify with people from all walks of life--from all backgrounds--in some way. These individuals are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world.


Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless, spacey manner is a deep person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose and their dreams transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity, and compassion that knows no bounds is found with this placement of the Sun.


Pisceans are not known to be cutthroat business types, nor are they given to throwing themselves out into the world in an aggressive manner. But make no mistake about it, Pisces can be extraordinarily successful when given the chance to express themselves. The arts, marketing, music, teaching, drama, healing arts...these are all fields in which Pisces can find expression. Their imagination, attunement to humanity, and remarkable intuition endow them with enviable gifts of insight and creativity.


Pisces is a sensitive sign--both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others' feelings. Easily touched by human suffering, at least in theory, Pisces wouldn't hurt a fly. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no. Harsh realities are avoided either through escapist behavior or self-delusion; but every now and again reality does raise its ugly head, and hits Pisces over the head. This is a sad time indeed. Pisces retreats into their own world, self-pitying and giving pep talks to themselves ("I will never trust again!"). Rest assured, though, that these periods are rather short-lived and even useful. Pisces seems to derive energy from their (generally short) bouts of self-pity. They come back stronger, with a spring in their step, ready to face the world again, and just as, if not more, compassionate and trusting as they were before. Some might even wonder if Pisces finds pleasure in suffering. Sometimes this is the case, but most of the time, Pisces pulls a lot of creative energy from sadness. Pisces is the poet or artist with angst, although this trait is often more apparent with Moon in Pisces.


Some find Pisces' tendency to be late for appointments, spaced out behavior, and absent-mindedness amount to irresponsibility. Pisces would be shocked to know this, however. Who me? Pisces wonders. Irresponsible? Pisces Suns absolutely care--their love knows no bounds--but their retreats from ordinary life (whether they are as simple as daydreams or actual departures) that they so seem to need every now and again are not always understandable to no-nonsense signs, such as Virgo or Aries.

from http://www.cafeastrology.com

veri veri old song.... just heard the cover by Brandy again just now.... used to sing this song so much when i was a small kid. one of my faves. heh




Another Day In Paradise


She calls out to the man on the street
"Sir can you help me?"
It's cold and I've no where to sleep,
is there somewhere you can tell me?


He walks on, doesn't look back
He pretends he can't hear her
He starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there


Oh, think twice, 'cause it's just another day for you
and me in paradise
Oh, think twice, 'cause it's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise


She calls out to the man on the street
He can see she's been crying
She's got blisters on the soles of her feet
She can't walk but she's trying


Oh, think twice, 'cause it's just another day for
and me in paradise
Oh, think twice, 'cause It's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise


Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say


Oh, think twice, 'cause it's just another day for
and me in paradise
Oh, think twice, 'cause It's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise


You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that she's been there
Probably been moved on from every place
'Cause she didn't fit in this


Oh, think twice, 'cause it's just another day for
and me in paradise
Oh, think twice, 'cause It's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise


Just think about it


It's just another day for you and me in Paradise
It's just another day for you and me in Paradise
It's just another day for you and me in Paradise


NO U TURN
You believe in fate. For you, it's the straight
and narrow, and no turning back. If you do
make a mistake, it was ment to be, and you
don't try to turn your life around to fix it.
You believe everyone should live their life
like you.


What's Your Sign?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are reasonably horny. You probably think about
sex pretty often, and you can probably see
yourself messing around a bit with a few select
people. But at the same time, you've got your
limits. As far as horniness goes, you're
pretty middle of the road.


How Horny are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Proverbs.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm.. this is rather interesting.What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.Then connect all the meanings and it describes you. If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once. A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind. B-You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people. C-You definately have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it. D-You have trouble trusting people. E-You are a very exciting person. F-Everyone loves you. G-You have excellant ways of viewing people. H-You are not jugdmental. I-You have a bad temper sometimes. J-Jealously K-You like to try new things. L-Love is a hard word for you to comprehend. M-Success comes easily to you. N-You like to work, but you always want a break. O-You are very open-minded. P-You have a lack of understanding people, you only focus on you. Q-You are a hypocrite. R-You are a social butterfly. S-You are very close-minded. T-You have an attitude, a big one. U-You feel like you ahve to equal up to people's standards. V-You are very verbal. W-You like your privacy. X-You never let people tell you what to do. Y-You cause a lot of trouble. Z-You're always fighting with someone.


K-You like to try new things.
E-You are a very exciting person.
V-You are very verbal.
I-You have a bad temper sometimes.
N-You like to work, but you always want a break.


from hong. geez. been forgetting to state where i get all this stuff from. no wonder even victor is feeling pissed that i'm not giving credit where credit is due. paiseh yeah.




thoughts for the day: heard some moving words from malcolm during econs lecture. not sure how sincere he was in saying it. but it kinda had alot of meaning. being a 19-pter don't make u any dumber than a 6-pter. working hard will always make it a level playing field for all.
i've forgotten the days when i wanted to work hard for my Os. when i actually had a bloody aim.
when he mentioned about "noone being here by chance", it kinda dawned on me yeah.
i'm not in SA to fucking whine about how i couldn't make it to a better JC.
cuz there are ppl who would die to be in my place. so why am i taking up space in SA for nothing.
i shouldn't deprive ppl of spaces they deserve. so i've gotta fight to show that i deserve what i've earned.


heh. always thought that big bloke would never be able to inspire others. but hey. he's started with me




make me a superstar
no matter who you are.
saliva - superstar

to rebecca:


i told carol, si ting, janice and god knows how many ppl out there heard me during CIVICS AND AFTER COMMENDATION outside the cathedral that i didnt' have enough money for the sushi thing.
so don't say that u didn't hear me. if u didn't u could have asked any of them. and u weren't sitting very far from me during civics. surely u could have heard me. unless u weren't paying attention to my words.
u coulda at least asked carol or the rest if they knew before pointing the finger. or at worst ask me urself on why i didn't want to go yeah. it's not like we're strangers or enemies. not asking and not telling are 2 different issues. normally i'm willing tell ppl stuff unless it's stuff i've been told to keep a secret.
(but maybe carol didn't give a damn cuz the sushi thing excited her so much she ignored everything i said)


i'm not sure abt the reasons of the rest. but mine was purely cuz the lack of funds, nothing more.
i'm okay with the idea of going out with debra's group and the other groups.


i'm not expecting u to noe all of my problems yeah.
neither am i directing this hatred at u.


no one is undermining ur effort here in organising this.
neither am i taking away this credit.
i'm acknowledging as it is.


read it. think about it. hit me back at the tagboards.
if it don't work. talk to me in sch.

update to the previous post.


guess missing sch isn't really that much of a bad thing.
caught up with abit of my studies. didn't noe i've missed out on so much.
even had time to tie up some loose ends.
not that bad for a day's worth


spent the morning thinking about what someone told me afew days back
it was somewhat of a casual remark, but it made alot of sense.


about people being highly judgmental.
ever criticising,
ever cynical.
always the one assessing others for their character and behaviour
then making their opinions known aloud.




kinda thought about it yeah.
there are people i know that are like that. and i won't deny it, i am someone like that many a times.
this is the point i'm trying to get across.


people have their own ways of living their lives.
and they are entitled to that, for the very least.
who are we to judge?
i think the only person who can really do that
is the Man above.
your judgment is only what you think.
NOT what EVERYONE thinks.
if it ain't pleasant, try to keep it to urself
it's all about RESPECT.


i'm not lambasting anyone
neither am i throwing down the gauntlet.
just my 2 cents with 3 instructions
read it. give it a thought. and move on.

did'nt go to school today. hurhur. wanted to go for dan ho's PE.
i wouldn't give up a day's PE for nuts, not even with Habibah's test can stand in my way.


but damn. i'm breaking down mentally.
i need to take a break.
a break from school.
a break from this facade i've been putting up.
to put on a mask and go to school. to clown around all day, regardless of whether people like it or not.
to hide away all the sadness i hide.
my mask hides my ugly face.
it hides my ugly scars.
and it hides me from the faces that i am forced to see everyday.
faces that laugh at me.
faces that sneer.


at the end of the day i come home and take the mask off.
when i can look into the mirror and see my true reflection.
my true self. the self i've been trying to hide from this harsh world.
a world i've grown to detest,
a world i've grown to fear.
i don't fear out of hatred,
i fear bcuz of people hurt time after time.
it pains me to see it happen,
and i never want to see it happen to me.


one day this mask of mine will crack.
or the day might come that i can face this world without my mask.
a day when i don't have to hide from this world.
a day when i don't have to fear the people.
it might not come soon, but it will come. one day.


"clowns are sad. it's people that laugh at them."
it's been 2 years since i've seen this quote resurface. not since the days when i read To Kill a Mockingbird.
it's sad yeah, clowns often draw the laughter but the laughter is aimed at them.
wish i could be a clown that could laugh at them.
i'm becoming jaded by the day. with every passing day driven further into my corner.


i can't do anything to change my fate.
i've become fate's playtoy. toyed around. tossed around like a rag doll.
it's a sad life i'm living. indeed it is. and it's not just sad, it's fucking futile.

[flashback]
friday.


commendation: sucked that my view was blocked. wanted to see whye kiat's moment of glory. that guy has earned my respect. in all ways.
in the past i used to dislike his bossy ways. but he has really matured alot.
congrats on being president of the student council.


after commendation: i went out with si ting, charlene and adrean. then we met up with janice and her gang later at heerens before splitting to go cine to watch 2fast2furious. not that bad a movie i'd say, beat those 3 angels. didn't go out with the class.


thoughts: it's not that i'm not willing to hang out with them. but at times i just wished that they could remotely understand that not everyone is feeling rich everyday.
yes, i spend spend money. and quite a bit at that.
but don't start labelling me a spendthrift just 'cuz i buy stuff to carry around.
at least i don't splurge on stuff that still comes out the same shit that went in.
and dun fucking come tell me u all are pissed for not joining u all. i'm just as fucking pissed that u all are not willing to compromise for those like me with NO MONEY
(read: NO MONEY) in their pockets at the moment. and NO, i haf pride. i don't believe in taking loans. and i'll never borrow money from girls. so too bad for u if i think i'm holding on to Neanderthal-like ideals of the past. and fuck u if u think i should change.


u tell me that we must build class spirit by interacting? if ur idea of interaction is thru a superficial meal then go ahead, cuz i'm damn sure u all will still be segregated once sch starts again:
rebecca with her CLA groupies.
carol with her ODAC gang.
luana with her group
alecia's small gathering
si ting with her own gang.
hate me for being a bastard all u want. build whatever "class spirit" u want, cuz u'll never achieve it this way.


[end of flashback]


hurhur. on a lighter note though
i've been too mean to janice this whole while
really too mean.
i've never had such a mean streak
not in my whole life. not even towards kar fai.
what is wrong with me yeah. i'm mistreating a girl worse than a guy i used to hate for so many years of my life.
sorry. i'm veri sorry for what i've done yeah.
i'm such a fucking bastard. i'm such a bastard even my conscience hates myself.


so like yeah.... i was like reading the bible (the yellowed pages of a book hidden in my cupboard for ages)
and it kinda hit me i guess.
so i'm making a promise here.
i'll be nicer to her.
and that's a promise i intend to keep.


juliana theory - into the dark


the words below aren't exactly what i'll call the truth, but just read and think abt it.
just remember... take everything with a pinch of salt.


Have you ever loved someone and they no idea or whatsoever?
Or fell for your best friend in the world, and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
Have u ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid what will be found out about us. But everywhere we tell a lie… the thing we fear grows stronger.


Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them… when the moment you can’t feel them under your fingertips you miss them?
Have you ever wondered which hurts most; saying something and wishing you had not, or not saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.


Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart…but if you don’t, you might break theirs.
Have you ever decided not to become not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own…when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.


Have you ever loved someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or that life is all about risks and it requires you to jump, don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had…

I won't nurture, and feed this bitterness
It's worth it, seen any of this
Love and forgiveness
Our time is and true
I know you're full of fear
I hope I'm never like you


I won't nurture, and feed this hate
It's empty and doesn't change a thing
Love will endure when it comes to the end
I see you're insecure
I know there's hope for you


Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man


I won't nurture, and feed hostility
It's pointless to dwell on my anger
Love is the answer innate as it seems
I know you're full of hate
I hope I'm never the same


I won't nurture, and feed this hate
Imagine the magnitude of
Love that is giving the chance to prevail
I see you're full of tears
And I can sense you're here


Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man


Take what you want to
Now that you got the chance to
Take it, why don't you?
Now that you got the chance to


Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man


Why can't I let go?
I'm only the shell of a man
I'm lost in myself
And afraid of who I really am
The shell of a man


juliana theory - shell of a man






hurhur. got back my geog results today. FAILED. AO pass. shit man. 2 As and 4 AO passes. wtf do u do with 4 AO passes. i can wipe my own arse AND YOURS with it hurhur. sounds fucking retarded yeah. oh well... i thought i was so gonna pass, got big headed onli to get slapped. hehe. lesson learnt i guess.


went out with the hockey guys to buy my hockey stick heh. bought a TK black bullet at $85. not that bad a deal. huruhr. felt damn bad dragging bok all the way to peninsular with jamie, julian and i. on the bright side, we went with ALL the hockey girls. (alot of ppl are saying the hockey girls this year are DAMN HOT. woohoo. hurhur)


after buying the stick, i went down to library@esplanade to find siting and adrean at 6:00. onli had enuff time to do 1 maths question... then adrean was so fascinated with my stick that we all went to the underpass to hit afew balls... hehe. practising. felt damn cool. but since LDMR set in and marginal product started to fall, we decided to take 171 home. hurhur. damn tired sial. my schedule this week
monday - hockey
tuesday - PE
today - PE (double + gym)
tomorrow - hockey (probably physical)


onli 1 word to describe: SHAG


currently listening to staind - so far away

"Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson




i'm sure there are afew arts fac ppl who would read this.
this is a wake up call to u all.
but then again, it might not be.
i wish i could chastise the arts fac ppl of SAJC.
but who am i to do that
in what position am i to do that. i haf no power.
i'm just another person within the faculty.
with no power, with no say.
heck with no reputation of my own.
even my class ppl take my lightly
but the words i haf to say are true.


http://alvyn.two-am.org/index.php


i was reading alvyn's post.
he sounds depressed and jaded.
FOR WHAT?
for doing his job of pleasing the romanis ppl.
if that's the job of a house captain
go find urself a lackey and fuck off.
alvyn was chosen to LEAD YOU ALL, even at times when u don't like it.
if he knew the implications of taking on the post of house captain,
he wouldn't have chosen to run for house
HECK NOONE WOULD.
NO FUCKING LOGICAL PERSON WOULD.
why should i give up my life to please u motherfucking attention seekers.


i don't blame him for being jaded and upset.
i would. i'm sure many others would as well.
if wearing the badge is to be a cause for shame,
then the badge shouldn't even exist.
it brings no pride to the captain
it brings no pride to the house.


Romanis has always been seen as a house that is united.
always the loudest in cheering.
now i see the truth beneath the surface.
all that noise, all but empty vessels.
all that unity is a facade with cracks all beneath.
that of cynical backstabbing.
ISN'T THAT TRUE?


alvyn isn't holding Romanis back
Romanis is holding itself back.
so dont' blame alvyn for the demise of the Romanis spirit.
blame urself.


if u think u can do a better job,
take his place. i'm sure he won't mind.
but then here i question u:
if u were better, why didn't u run for house and win him in the first place?
why hold back till now. u're doing a disfavour urself.


but if u can't, keep ur words to urself.
cuz we don't need it.

chinese listening was crap. we had to report at 8:30am and be seated by 9am with our question papers on our desks only to be told that the paper will commence at 9:30am. hurhur. cruel humour indeed. and the stupid paper only lasted 30 minutes. how exciting.


yeah anyways, went out with janice, shu ting and teng siang to lido after chinese listening. finsihed at 10:30... we bought tickets at 3pm cuz more badminton ppl, kaiyun and siang yuan, were coming hehe. i'm the only oddball down there (hockey my man, the rest are badminton)
so we killed time by playing bridge and dai dee at BK, with our arms being tattooed with graffiti from janice who won the most. i literally ran out of real estate on my left arm cuz i kept losing (yes i suck.) and had to end up washing my arm off before i could eat (can't exactly place an order with my arm like that)


the movie wasn't exactly bad, just that it lost the 'terminator' feel to it. the suspense build-up was nowhere near that of T2 or T1. and the humour kinda killed the nature of the flick. at least arnie has improved, he now has 2 expressions for the movie. (or one and a half if u insist) and joking while having a straight face makes it damn funny. hurhur.
visual eyecandy was good and the ending had a slight twist to it, i think. hurhur. too engrossed with kristanna loken. wooo hot babe hehe. how do they make hair stick to the head with all that action going on will forever intrigue me. heh.


so like after that the girls along with siang yuan decided to stay for some racial harmony thing while teng siang and i made our way home. at least i had an old friend to talk to on the long journey home.

http://www.leukemiafighters.org
can't say i know about leukemia, or about the Galvin. but i guess it's the right thing to do by increasing awareness about leukemia.


pls give it a look. try to help by linking them too yeah.

hurhur. i got 2 A and 2 AO passes.
but the grades themselves are shitty yeah. i totally flunked econs with 40% for the AO grade, which isn't even a damn pass.
it's like the "u suck, but look on the bright side, u're not a fucking retard" grade. not exactly a comforting grade if u ask me.
what's up wit that. they set the fucking questions so damn hard and like failed most of the cohort. hurhur.


lit was quite shitty in itself. esp in terms of marking. was hoping for a B but didn't even smell it by a mile man.
fuck lit. i never thought i'll say that. but i'm saying it now. FUCK LIT. FUCK JOHN SMITH.
i'm just hoping that geography will be better, but i'm not exactly optimistic since the answers seemed off compared to mine. GP is a horrible subject for me cuz i've yet to recover from my Os trauma for my languages. damn. horrible flashbacks once in a while. must let it pass.


hockey was a riot. good shit. game was fun, game techniques also quite easy to pick up. (if onli i knew how to stop with the ball on the turns) physical was shitty, but it's quite ok considering that it's gonna help build up my overall fitness (what fitness?) if i ever make it to first team. (i can't even picture myself being a reserve) ordered my stick as well. hope i get it soon, it looks sweet baby. (for $75 it'd better be) but i'm scared that i'll spend too much time looking after the damn stick. hehe.


PS: carol. paiseh for like insulting u the whole day yeah. felt damn bad doing it also. hehe. all work harder, then at least there'll be meaning to our challenges in academic grades. :)


PPS: SIGN MY GUESTBOOK AT THE TOP. else i won't noe who has read all my crap.



it hurts. it hurts alot.
i don't understand why u're doing this to me.
if this is what you want.
then i'll respect the decision.

got back my econs today... hurhur 11/20. that's totally fucking bull. was hoping for like 13 or something. oh well... i didn't study much for it so what can i say yeah LOL. the arts students got one helluva shelling from the econs tutors for have shit for results. but hey, who can blame them. we don't even reciprocate half of the effort the put in to teach us. maths is totally atrocious, i'm like lagging behind in lectures and i can't see a damn thing without my specs since my parents still refuse to pay for my specs since i've lost like 20+ pairs in over 5 years and i don't haf any cash to buy them. which like half-explains for my 51 for MATHS COMMON TESTS. wtf man, everyone i know did way better than me. shit must buck up for maths big time. chinese was sub-par, but i guess it'll suffice. yes yes. not exactly my target yet, but working towards it. oral was a piece of shit, i fumbled like 4 times during the conversation. but the reading was perfect. went smoothly without a hitch. should be able to secure a pass, but i want a distinction. (too bad for me then) :)


which reminds me, i'm still waiting for my gp, econs, geog and lit results, geog and gp will probably be out tomorrow. not hoping much for them, maybe except for lit and geog cuz i haf this feeling i'll do better than the rest. hurhur. oh well.... we'll see.


then i had my NAPFA this morning. didn't even haf the damn mood to do NAPFA. wanted to play soccer. BAD. passed almost every event. except one. hurhur. but that one is expected. surprised i even passed broad jump with that screwy ankle of mine. half proud of myself. and 9.9s for shuttle run is shit. i nearly fell down halfway thru the thing. and mr ong didn't allow me to go again cuz i already got an A. hurhur. not funny man, was so desperate to beat hong bird in his shuttle run.
then i like walked around for half the time after the test, talking to BX and alvyn while BX and i shot like 4 baskets before PE finished. he says my shooting is too high, that's why i suffer from the air-ball syndrome. not bad not bad, will improve heh.

hurhur
was supposed to go east coast to cycle.
no mood. not interested. sorry if u invited me and u're reading this.


ended up going queensway to shop. alone.
met debbie. with her friends. 5 times no less. in queensway. first floor. in all the sports shops. hurhur.
i like writing short. sentences. hurhurhururhuruhruhruhrhuruhr.


so like on the whole i bought 1 nike shirt which i find damn nice. (chose it over the and1 one... might get it next week if my financial department permits)
and 2 stupidly beng pants. regret purchases.


wanted to buy the adidas superstar. but turns out they dun stock the design anymore at ANY of the shops there. so i guess i'll haf to make my way down to peninsular to check it out one day on my own. why i'm so interested in the common shoes i don't know. i used to hate them cuz they were.... common. now i wanna buy them. weird.

the more i look into the mirror
the more i wanna break it.


went to sch yesterday for chinese feeling fucking pissed.
no specific person, no specific reason. just pissed.
i tried to cover it up with nonchalance.
guess it didn't last for long.
grew annoyed with everyone's behaviour and just put on my headphones to blast music... hoping to drown out their voices in the music.


went out for lunch with si ting, adrean and charlene after the papers so they could celebrate the end of the exams. still felt moody but tried to blend in by being crazy yeah. charlene claims i haf mood swings. hurhur. (as if i'm a girl) then got dragged to watch Charlie's Angels. wasn't realli looking forward to watching the movie cuz i wasn't in the mood to do anything but stone, but i guess it's decent. was supposed to go play pool with janice after that yeah, but the 3 of them disappeared after the movie, and after afew messages back and forth with janice it was cancelled. hurhur. plan gone. so i ended up meeting joshua at borders where he was reading comics.


6:15. got a call from victor to ask me to meet him and hong yew at somerset MRT. so i took a train there from orchard (wtf? 1 stop) to reach there asap. turns out hong borrowed $50 from eddie to buy a new bag. i never knew hong to be an impulsive person when it came to buying stuff (other than computer games). so like we then went to pasta mania at ps. where we met joshua (again for me) and ate. after that we went to play pool, where i got trashed by those 2 pro bastards (as usual). joshua even thrashed me in 1-handed pool. hurhur. not exactly a good day for me.


we cleared our asses from SSC at 11:50 to go to the MRT, barely managing to hurl our asses on the last train home. was abt a 40 min ride back for all of us. since i missed the last bus by the time i reached the station, i had to walk home in the drizzle.


i always like walking the in rain , it intensifies my mood. the rain made me feel shitty. the rain washing my face at 1am while walking home is like the world's way of laughing at losers like me i guess. at least it gave me a chance to think, to think about what i did earlier:


flashback:
i got an SMS yesterday night while playing pool with joshua and victor, but i deleted it right away.
the name just upset me.


reflection:
i've been telling myself to let it go for quite awhile to forget all the shit* that has happened.
all this crap, to let go of the past. i just can't.
it's not that i've never tried to apologise,
it's just that i can't bring myself to do it.
it's not that i want to avoid u,
it's just that i don't have the guts to face u.
i'm still the grudge-bearing bastard that i am.
why must i be the bad guy now.
i'm sick of being the bad guy,
can't i be good for once?


i know i'll haf to do something sometime yeah,
but it won't be now.
sorry.
i don't have what it takes to do it now, or anytime soon.
i hate being an escapist. the escapist that i am.
i wanna change, but can i?




xxxxxx

and yes, that zodiac reading is quite accurate about me.
it's more accurate that u'll think.

Symbol: The Fish
Ruling House: Twelfth House
Ruling Planet: Jupiter / Neptune
Element: Water
Most compatible with: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Can be good with: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
A 50-50 chance with: Aquarius, Libra, Gemini
Doubtful with: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius




Pisces Personality


Like its symbol of two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisceans are
always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the
darkness. Being well liked for their kind and sympathetic nature, their
charm of manner and carefree nature will impress many. You are compassionate
and unless pushed to the wall, will rarely hurt anyone. A Piscean can be
very caustic but the sarcasm is not always direct and generally goes
unnoticed. However, this can land you in a spot every once in a while. You
find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline.
When the going gets really rough, the Piscean may try to flee down river and
hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. The very
weak-willed among you are likely to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape.
Alternatively, you might be able to pour out your emotions in creative arts.
You put your emotions in poetry or short verse but seldom open up to those
around you on a personal basis. Although you might be impractical and
somewhat uneasy with the real world, you are brave and prefer a lot of
independence. Pisceans like to delve in spiritual matters and lots of you
are fascinated by the occult. Maybe because many fish are psychic or their
dreams can be strange and portential. Remember one thing: you are the
culmination of all that has gone before, whilst Aries is the birth of the
zodiac, Pisces the twelfth sign is death and eternity, you are the
distillation of all the other signs.




Pisces Lover


In the world of romance, you crave fairytales, being more in love with the
idea of love than being in love itself. Though you are strongly attracted to
good looks, your attention will completely fizzle out if your partner is not
intelligent; you may just simply lose interest once you have been able to
secure" the object of your desire. For some, the pursuit is sometimes more
fun than the end result. Those born under Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces make
ideal partners for Pisces. Pisceans can be unnecessarily suspicious and
jealous, and this might cause a lot of heartache. Although you will expect a
perfect marriage, your unpredictable moods will be the reason for some
tension at times. The most important ingredient you bring to a relationship
is love. You are gentle, sensitive, and a romantic through and through,
valuing fidelity in a marriage and will be kind and affectionate to your
spouse and children. Though you let your partner take on a dominant role in
public, you like to rule at home. As you long for love, it is essential that
you establish a loving relationship with your family.




Pisces Luck


Warm colours like red, yellow and orange are lucky for Pisces. Your lucky
stone is amethyst, whereas Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday are favorable days.
Wednesday and Friday do not prove to be good for people under this zodiac
sign. Neptune is your ruler and your element is water (WATER
Water people are never petty. They are clever and plan well ahead. But they
often tend to be timid.
The element Water is represented by blue or black.
Water shapes include gentle undulations like waves in a river. A water house
has numerous bays, and like the ebb and flow of water, experiences regular
change in fortunes)




Pisces Kids


Often found to be living in a dream world, the Piscean kid is frequently
misunderstood and wonders why the others don't feel the same. Being
extremely emotional, he or she is compassionate to other people's needs and
lends them a shoulder to cry on. The Piscean kid is an introvert and could
be the target of bullying. So, you'd need to handle those situations with
care. Beware of sending this dreamer on any urgent errand!




Pisces Teens


The best shoulder to cry on -- that's the Pisces girl for you. Compassion
and sympathy are the hallmarks of this girl and don't be surprised if she
ends up in the profession of social welfare. Since much of her time will be
taken up relieving others' worries, she will hardly find time to pamper her
personal self. Comfortable in second-hand clothes, she'll be happy in
whatever makes her feel comfortable. The Pisces lass has a dreamy
disposition and loses track when she wanders. She is invariably late for
appointments. The best institution suited for her will be, preferably, a
small liberal arts college. Always willing to help a friend, the inner
beauty of a Pisces lady lies in her creativity and powers of empathy.


Kind and compassionate, a Piscean lad generally goes out of his way to help
others. He never intentionally hurt others and seeks to avoid confrontation
at all costs. He spends much of his time in the cocoon of his private dream
world. He is absent minded at times. He sees the world through rose tinted
glasses, he walks around with his head in the clouds. He is generally a
loner and often has to be drawn into the company of friends. By and large,
he is very selective about his friends. He often lacks in determination and
this may account for his not realising his potential. He is an
impressionable person who could get into wrong company that might have
potentially disastrous consequences. If he can be motivated to work hard,
there is very little he cannot achieve.


Life as an ISFJ
(Introvert, Sensor, Feeler, Judger)


People of this type tend to be: cautious, gentle, and thoughtful; hesitant until they know people well then affectionate and caring; very literal and aware of the physical world; uncompromising about personal standards and easily offended; diligent and conscientious, organized and decisive.


The most important thing to ISFJs is living a stable, predictable life and helping people in real ways.


How to Love an ISFJ




Appreciate the many things (large and small) that I do to make our home a warm and comfortable place to live.
Appreciate my common sense, practical and steady approach to life.
Listen attentively and respectfully. Give me time to think about things before expecting me to respond.
Respect my need to spend time by myself, or to just be with you.
Be sensitive to, and don't force me to defend, my feelings.
Above all - Notice and acknowledge my hard work and commitment to our family's needs.




xxxx

Veni, Vidi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered)


had my lit today...
felt weird during the test.
had this uneasy feeling when doing the paper, as though someone was observing me the whole time.
oh well... just hope that i pass.


miss the days when i did lit with ms ong as my teacher
always had the feeling of reassurance during the papers


chinese tomorrow.
hurhur. been a long time, old friend.
a full year has passed. where will u be, with me or against me?
we shall see...

The All-American Rejects - The Last Song


This may be the last thing that i write for long
Can you hear me smiling when i sing this song, for you and only you


As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now


You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.


As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
that you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song


The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now i'm gone, just try and stop me now.


And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

first time i found geography easy.... well... there's a first for everything i guess.
maths was.... fucking sad. shoulda studied more for it. oh well... it's over.


lit is up next tmr... gotta make sure i make it happen... prove it to myself once again...
till then yeah.


listening to: The All-American Rejects - The Last Song

---

Midnight - You are a deep thinker, always searching
for answers and never quite at home. You are
very contemplative, and enjoy being alone with
your thoughts.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. And you come to school so un-
often, your teachers have pratically forgotten
that you even exist. Go, you slacker, you!!


Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla