The Voice
Thomas Hardy

Woman much missed, how you call to me, call to me,
Saying that now you are not as you were
When you had changed from the one who was all to me,
But as at first, when our day was fair.

Can it be you that I hear? Let me view you, then,
Standing as when I drew near to the town
Where you would wait for me: yes, as I knew you then,
Even to the original air-blue gown!

Or is it only the breeze in its listlessness
Travelling across the wet mead to me here,
You being ever dissolved to wan wistlessness,
Heard no more again far or near?

Thus I; faltering forward,
Leaves around me falling,
Wind oozing thin through the thorn from norward,
And the woman calling.

"the past is the present, isn't it? it's the future, too. we all try to lie out of that but life won't let us"

- mary tyrone.

didn't go to sch today. spent the day mourning over my fucked up grades. i already know i can't compare to my SJI days, but why the i keep doing it i don't know. maybe it's because my parents constantly remind me of them i guess.

spent an hour looking for some of my stuff. more items missing again. searched high and low for it. flipped my whole room over to find it. now my room's in a mess and i still can't find it, along with everything else. what a wonderful day to add on to my misery.

lost lots of stuff from early last year. WITHIN my own motherfucking house and at my own doorsteps. i've already lost so many shirts. most of which i've hardly worn more than once. lost a pair of shoes i've worn only twice just by putting them outside to some fucking thief cleaner in the estate, who got caught, yet i never got back a single cent of compensation from.

thanks. i really can't feel any happier now ya.

it's a self defence mechanism. self-mockey is a form of escape for me. i must laugh at myself. if i don't laugh, i'll cry.

yay! ran in the rain. for 30-40 full minutes. nice. think i ran for a full 8km? (might be less, but i guess around there) i LOVE running in the rain. running in the rain helps me forget all the unhappy stuff tt goes on in sch. all i have to do is concentrate on the road ahead and continue running. and running. while fighting the thoughts of stopping.

been a long time since i ran properly. love the feeling of running. guess all the training for hockey DID come in handy after all. all the 2.4km warm ups. the excruciating 7 rounds of 400m strides. :) (though i have none of that pace anymore)

got back some of my results. some were just beyond my wildest expectations. in the good and the bad sense of it. maths was a pleasant surprise. lit p1 wasn't and GP was just plain sad. yup. econs and lit p5 close to what i expected. so yeah. miss kwan said that i should expect more from myself. i would like to hope so too. she's been one of the most encouraging teachers i've met. should count myself lucky that i have a teacher that actually believes in me, when i myself don't.

40+ days to As. perhaps at the end of the As, would mark my saddest day. i don't know why i want to do it. but i guess i have to. i don't perceive myself to be the "nice" guy tt some of my frens think i am. which is why i just have to do it. sorry.

i'm not trying hard enough.
u're right.
i'm always the one giving up.

i'm sorry.

mmmm... bought a shiny fossil money clip over the weekend. shiny. did i say shiny twice? or thrice? mmmm. sweeeeeet. hahah. oh well, been looking around for that toy, finally got it. shopping is an addiction. i don't think compulsive purchases apply to women alone. i guess?

with my current shopping list, i'll NEED to be in commandos to finance my lifestyle man. wahahahaha. oh well.

shopping list:






-- mizuno wave phantom ($120) OR asics ds racer ($120 estimate) - to replace my currently adidas climacool. poor shoes. easily covered 650km with me already. and it's only lost a piece of rubber on its sole in its 6 months. good stuff. LOL. my previous wave phantoms lasted onli 4 months, but they were way lighter than my climacools, which say alot abt weight. (220g baby) haha. it's either the white/blue wave phantom or the bright orange ds racer. mmmm. choice choice :)



-- puma speedcats ($99) - mmmm. suede. sexy. need a pair of casual shoes anyway. can't realli say i own a pair. ;D





-- victorinox slim wallet ($99) - ok. this is just plain greed. comes in a sexy red tin box. LOL. just cuz too many ppl are using braun buffel. but what kind of a fucked up excuse is that for an expensive wallet made by the same mofos who made u a swiss army cheese knife? a pretty good one. braun buffel wallet potentially for sale, anyone?

smokinnnnnnnn


*sizzle**sizzle*